You walked in a whole person and walked out in pieces. The one day you have been trying to remove from your head for 35 years. I want you to know that you were just a child and that day was not about you, but about the pain of the adults around you.
Sometimes, the people that are suppose to protect us simply get it wrong. They make huge mistakes. Huge. You will understand that when you grow up and you are responsible for protecting your children, and you make huge mistakes.
You walked out that door, looking down at your feet, looking at the concrete, and feeling numb and invisible. You knew that you were not as loved as other people. You did not matter. The young girl that was there the day before, no longer existed. You were gone.
So you put all these feelings and the numbness in a bag and walked down the road for 35 years. Invisable and unworthy.
We must rework that day. I want you to walk out that door, and take my hand. I want you to stop looking at your feet and lift your head. I want you to stand up straight and tall and together we will pick up the pieces. I will hug you and tell you I love you, and tell you it's not your fault.
You can't place such power behind the actions of others because you don't know why they do what they do. Even grownups. They may have been a child that was also broken and their pain could be worse than yours.
Most people have that one day they are trying to recocile in their mind, and when they can't they will do what you did. Walk away, shake it out of your head because the pain it will bring would be unbearable. And we all think by just pretending it didn't happen, it will go away. But it doesn't go away. The bag you carry gets heavier and heavier and as you get older, you eventually have to drop it. To drop it, you have to look at it. That day. The big one.
Everyone has a 'big one'. A moment that altered their life and made them in to someone they didn't want to be. The moment they became unworthy of love, ugly, stupid, humiliated, invisable.
I want you to know, that I know, I left you behind. I guess I did that because I had to survive somehow. I left you. Like the other people, I got it wrong.
I want to take you by the hand, and tell you that you are good. You are worth so, so much. You are not invisable or stupid or ugly. You did not deserve the events of that day.
You are going to grow up and make huge mistakes. Huge. But you are also going to make people happy and make people laugh. More important than that, people are going to make you laugh. You will laugh so hard that your stomach hurts. You will laugh so hard, you pee your pants, which makes you laugh more. You will have three daughters that love you. You will have a really hot husband. You will go places to make people laugh, like Los Angeles and New York. You will publish a book.
We have to take that day and turn it around and stop giving it power. People made mistakes. Their intent was not to distroy you or even to hurt you. I know that the choices the adults made didn't really have anything to do with you and had everything to do with their pain and hopelessness. You were just another young person that happened to be there when their faith emploded. You were a bystander that was torn apart.
I sorry I left you there on that sidewalk. But we can walk together, me and you, the rest of the way down the road. But we have to look up and be proud that we are the person we have become. Drop the heavy bag of shit and take care of our heart and our spirit. I will take care of you. You are the best part of me.