Saturday, November 7, 2009


I am currently off my job for awhile. So I am diligently working on my best selling book. How do I know it will be a best seller? Trust me.
My mother lives with me. In all the memories I have of the way things went, my mother's life has sucked. If you ask her, she says she has been blessed 'abundantly' in her life.
I'm lying in bed the other night. I'm thinking about how I get to have this dream of being able to sit and write my book. Thanks to my husband who works constantly, he won't stop, I've tried. He had a heart attack, he stopped, for ten seconds. He is a 'worker' and he has been a 'worker' since the day I met him. John works. Period. A few days out of work and he flips his lid.
Can you imagine? I get to write my book. Good book or bad book, I actually get to sit at the desk and do it. Because of John.
So I lay in bed looking at the ceiling and think about my mom. You see, my dad was not a 'worker'. He just wasn't. He did the best he could I'm sure, but he was nothing like my husband. So I wondered if my mom had a dream. If there was something special she wanted to do in her life, but she couldn't because she wasn't married to someone who could carry her through.
The next day I ask her, "Hey, mom. In your life, was there ever anything you dreamed of doing? Like art, or singing or dancing?"
She said, "I dreamed a lot about having milk and bread."
I paused. I stared at her and she stared at me. That was it. I was hoping for this really rich story. Something amazing and interesting that I didn't know about my mother. All she ever wanted was milk and bread.

Back then, that's how it was. They didn't have Oprah. They didn't believe dreaming of something better could be enough momentum to make it happen. It was about lifting their heads above the struggle long enough to catch their breath and then going back under.
I sit at my computer, posting this and even now the constant guilt about not being at work consumes me. Not enough to pass up the chance to dream my dream, but still stressful.

My sister in law Valorie and her awesome hubby Alberto. They are Tango dancers. They have won numerous awards for the way the glide across the dance floor. Making it look so simple and natural. They have danced their way all over the world.
They teach Tango. There are probably a thousand people or more that can go and dance as people watch enviously as they do each twist and turn, because Valorie and Alberto taught them how to make it magic.
Valorie and Alberto are an example of awakening that place in your spirit where your dreams lay quiet, waiting. I don't even think they have considered what they do as 'living the dream'. I believe they are people that believe, that is the only way to live. There is no other way. They design, write, teach, dance. This is their life. A life that most people would fear. What about the 401k? What if we don't make enough money to buy the tuna? They are an example of embracing the gifts they've been given, therefore, the tuna gets to the table.
Every step, every turn, they live in an emotionally wide open space. Nothing is impossible. Dream your dream. Don't invest in fear. And that's not to say there aren't struggles within pursuing your dream. But the problems seem to be the same as people who are fearful of making that leap and work forty hours a week. Be smart, because of the tuna, but make sure the person that you came to the earth to be, and the gifts you've been given, don't get lost so far down in your heart that you can no longer pull them back up.

I think again about my mom. All she dreamed of was milk and bread. Then I think of Val and Alberto. I imagine them step by step, one beautiful movement, moving to another. Beautiful. Free. So I will write. And not live in fear. At least for today.

Visit the Vamp... Valorie At...


Anonymous said...

Yes but it takes people that 'put the tuna on the table' to make others dreams come true. I have to say i have learned to admire that. You have put the food on the table plenty and so has John and so did Mom and Steve and Michael and Ashley and Jenn and David and Evelyn and Patrick and Mark and Fela and Kevin and Lenny and everyone that i forgot...

That can be a dream: to sigh and know that the food is on the table and those you love are eating and just for the day because of that, Life is Beautiful.

That is what i think. Anonoymous/Lisa

Dina Kucera said...

I guess I'm dreaming about putting food on the table because of my dream. Not putting food on the table as the dream. Other people have done it. Why not me? Or you? Or anyone else? It's like mom dreaming for milk and bread. I dream of milk and bread, and that my dream put the milk and the bread on the table. I think we need to challenge ourselves to dream above having food and water.
I think we should dream about having fresh mozzerella and tomatoes with balsamic dressing drizzled on top. Here is the real thing. I do not want to be a 74 year old woman that prayed and hoped and wished and dreamed of milk and bread. I want to be a 74 year old woman that says, I never published a book. But I kicked my ass trying and for that, I got my dream. I don't regret dreams I never attempted because I was afraid to fail. That's what I want. And the mozzerella.

Anonymous said...

I dream that i will be 74. Actually i dream i will be at least 85 and in good health and enjoying my kids and grandkids and possibly their kids. And that we all have mozzerella dripping with vinegrette...i am just teasing you a little...i do think it is a 'dream' to be able to do something 'dreamy' that puts the food on the table. But either way...I Love the Life the Lord has givin to me.

Anonymous said...

It's not easy being what you were meant to be. I have only ever been an artist. I never learned how to make a living at it. I married an artist and he never learned to make a living at it- and he works 2 other jobs to make ends meet. You think when you find your gift and develop it, then God will lead you down the right path to make a living at it...When we shop we still hold the can of "chunk light" tuna next to "white albacore" tuna and sigh because we may need the 53 cents but really want the kids to have the good stuff. Keep writing, don't weigh yourself down with guilt because you don't know how long steady waters will allow you to work on your are capable and talented- this much I know -xoxo

Kwana said...

I came over from Valorie's blog and sometimes I do live in that place of fear. Thanks so much fro your beautiful words. Enjoy writing that bestseller!

mary'smom said...

We had a very talented relative who was a writer - his mother was a single mother when being a single mother didn't get any help from anyone. She struggled and raised three college-educated children. Unheard of in a blue-collar family. My grandfather was known to give this writer a lot of grieve by always telling him to get a job and help out his mother instead of going to school. He didn't. I believe his mother would think of it. The writer(in his 80s)passed away recently. He wrote literary fiction that had been reviewed in the 60s by the New York Times--favorably. I loved his books---it made me want to write and have the courage to write. Unfortunately, I am not published. I cannot wait to see your book on the list.

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