Saturday, November 7, 2009
I am currently off my job for awhile. So I am diligently working on my best selling book. How do I know it will be a best seller? Trust me.
My mother lives with me. In all the memories I have of the way things went, my mother's life has sucked. If you ask her, she says she has been blessed 'abundantly' in her life.
I'm lying in bed the other night. I'm thinking about how I get to have this dream of being able to sit and write my book. Thanks to my husband who works constantly, he won't stop, I've tried. He had a heart attack, he stopped, for ten seconds. He is a 'worker' and he has been a 'worker' since the day I met him. John works. Period. A few days out of work and he flips his lid.
Can you imagine? I get to write my book. Good book or bad book, I actually get to sit at the desk and do it. Because of John.
So I lay in bed looking at the ceiling and think about my mom. You see, my dad was not a 'worker'. He just wasn't. He did the best he could I'm sure, but he was nothing like my husband. So I wondered if my mom had a dream. If there was something special she wanted to do in her life, but she couldn't because she wasn't married to someone who could carry her through.
The next day I ask her, "Hey, mom. In your life, was there ever anything you dreamed of doing? Like art, or singing or dancing?"
She said, "I dreamed a lot about having milk and bread."
I paused. I stared at her and she stared at me. That was it. I was hoping for this really rich story. Something amazing and interesting that I didn't know about my mother. All she ever wanted was milk and bread.
Back then, that's how it was. They didn't have Oprah. They didn't believe dreaming of something better could be enough momentum to make it happen. It was about lifting their heads above the struggle long enough to catch their breath and then going back under.
I sit at my computer, posting this and even now the constant guilt about not being at work consumes me. Not enough to pass up the chance to dream my dream, but still stressful.
My sister in law Valorie and her awesome hubby Alberto. They are Tango dancers. They have won numerous awards for the way the glide across the dance floor. Making it look so simple and natural. They have danced their way all over the world.
They teach Tango. There are probably a thousand people or more that can go and dance as people watch enviously as they do each twist and turn, because Valorie and Alberto taught them how to make it magic.
Valorie and Alberto are an example of awakening that place in your spirit where your dreams lay quiet, waiting. I don't even think they have considered what they do as 'living the dream'. I believe they are people that believe, that is the only way to live. There is no other way. They design, write, teach, dance. This is their life. A life that most people would fear. What about the 401k? What if we don't make enough money to buy the tuna? They are an example of embracing the gifts they've been given, therefore, the tuna gets to the table.
Every step, every turn, they live in an emotionally wide open space. Nothing is impossible. Dream your dream. Don't invest in fear. And that's not to say there aren't struggles within pursuing your dream. But the problems seem to be the same as people who are fearful of making that leap and work forty hours a week. Be smart, because of the tuna, but make sure the person that you came to the earth to be, and the gifts you've been given, don't get lost so far down in your heart that you can no longer pull them back up.
I think again about my mom. All she dreamed of was milk and bread. Then I think of Val and Alberto. I imagine them step by step, one beautiful movement, moving to another. Beautiful. Free. So I will write. And not live in fear. At least for today.
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Posted by Dina Kucera at 11:58 AM